Lifestyle tips

As a lifelong FA / encourager, I have noticed a pattern in my relationships that I would like to work on. Every girl I have dated has been bigger, from 180 to about 320lbs. I was always most attracted to them at their heaviest, and a few gained a good amount of weight while we were dating.

However I've always felt bad because none of my partners were ever truly happy with their bodies. All of them wanted to lose weight, get down to a "normal" size, and be accepted by society even though I liked them the way they were. Health of course was also an issue, and I totally understand. I was overweight when I was younger, lost it, and then became a much more confident and outgoing person. I truly get why they would want to lose weight and I want to support them.

This has happened 3 or 4 times now, but all those past relationships ended because of reasons unrelated to weight. However I'm currently seeing a new girl, who I'm very attracted to, who has lost 50lbs and wants to continue losing weight.

I want to be supportive, but I get a sinking feeling in my stomach every time she mentions it. The same thing happened with my past partners. I love her personality but I'm attracted to her physically largely because of her size, and the thought of making love to a thin woman just isn't nearly as exciting.

This same ordeal has happened to me multiple times now, and I'm not sure what to do. I guess either I can stay single and just have hookups and short flings with large women to satisfy my sexual desire. Or the other option is getting into a long term relationship again and watching/helping my partner lose weight and becoming relatively celibate. Sex at that point would just be out of love and it would be much harder for me to get turned on.

Sometimes it is very hard having this preference. Although I love helping large women feel beautiful, and adoring their bodies in every shape and size, I feel it'd be easier if I was "vanilla." To be able to be with a thin or average girl, and not care would make things a lot easier. To not feel squeamish and sad whenever my partner wants to lose weight (something that is a totally understandable desire)

If anyone could offer advice I would really appreciate it

I'd start with the idea that there's a lot of societal pressure to deal with.

Before I got married I dated people of various sizes and have never found anyone that didn't try to adhere to some kind of published normality.

This was very evident in the early 2000 where in the peak of hip-hop popular culture "curvy"was published as favorable for a period of about 18months where my gf at the time really embraced her curves for that period but quickly fell out of love with the idea as fashion changed.

As a silver lining the most successful time I've had is with my now wife who had been about 210lbs before I met her but had over 5 years lost an obscene amount of weight and was around 110lbs when we met.

When she noted the size of a few of my ex's I was open and honest about my preferences and gradually over 7 years she has began to be more comfortable with her natural habits and body. Today she's just shy of 200lbs and seems to find herself very confident in her skin (more so than when we met), though again she still has a lot of pressure from friends and work colleagues over it.

I've noted that more people within our friend set that are of similar habits and sizes to her, the less the comments from more distant acquaintances seem to come up in conversation.

When we're in London she has a couple of friends who really like to eat and talk about food as part of the social interaction rather than generic pop culture etc. After a few outings with these friends she really embraces her impulses and that relaxation in to herself seems to extend to all aspects of her behavior from her work to our home life: she becomes charged and positive and very productive.

As a take away, and only from this one currently successful relationship I would say that tuning your social set to one with more similarities in terms of size acceptance may help you in the future, but again this is only anecdotal as all my previous relationships with larger people have not had the same success.